


Event Horizon

by muldy



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-28
Updated: 2017-04-22
Packaged: 2018-09-27 11:26:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 14,308
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10018067
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/muldy/pseuds/muldy
Summary: Voyager comes across a strange phenomena and decide to investigate. Unfortunately it's a rip in space time that results in Janeway and Paris being swapped with an alternate reality version of Janeway. An alternate reality where Voyager was destroyed and they began their journey home on the Maquis ship. Can the crew swap them back before the event horizon closes or will they be stuck? (J/C, some Paris/B'Elanna)





	1. Chapter 1

‘Have you ever had two…’

Tom Paris fell quiet as Captain Kathryn Janeway walked onto the Bridge from her Ready Room. It had been a quiet morning, in fact it had been a quiet week, but she had just finished her book and felt like it was time to check in on the crew.

Clearly they were having as busy a week as she was.

‘Keep going, Paris, I’m looking forward to hearing the rest of that sentence,’ she smirked to herself as she took her seat.

She glanced at Commander Chakotay. He was looking at Paris, a matching smirk on his face, leaning on his right hand side arm rest, perfectly groomed as always. He was holding a glass in his hand.

‘I hope that’s water, Commander,’ she joked.

He looked at her, his smile broadening. ‘You’ll have to play the game to find out.’

‘I feel like it might be better if I stay out of this one,’ she returned his smile.

For a moment their gazes held, then they were snapped out of it.

‘Go on Tom, finish the sentence,’ Harry Kim piped up from behind them.

‘Alright,’ he turned around to face everyone. ‘Have you ever had two, umm, dates in one night?’

She felt like had she entered the Bridge a moment later the end of the sentence would have been a little more explicit, but she let it go. There was nothing wrong with the crew having a little fun when things were quiet.

It was definitely better than the alternative depression.

Chakotay was surprisingly the only person who drank. She looked at him curiously, her head tilted to one side. As he put his drink back down he noticed everyone was watching him.

‘Maquis leaders are popular with the ladies,’ he looked at Paris. ‘You can’t tell me you never have?’

‘Not in my life, that doesn’t leave room for any after date activities,’ Paris smiled, turning back to his post to check an alert.

‘Maybe I should have joined the Maquis,’ Janeway commented, smiling Chakotay’s way.

He looked back her, and for a moment she thought it felt slightly awkward, then his smile returned.

‘You wouldn’t have any Starfleet rulebook to guide you,’ he replied, then leaned a little closer. ‘Besides, then I would be in charge.’

She smiled to herself, leaning back in her chair. ‘Oh that’s what you think, Commander.’

‘Captain,’ Paris interrupted.

She sat up a little, his tone was definitely more serious.

‘Yes, Paris?’

He pressed a few buttons, zooming in on an empty section of space on the screen in front of them. ‘I’m not sure what it is, but we’re getting some very strange readings from this area of space.’

‘Strange how?’

He was silent for a few moments, and suddenly the comms system came to life.

_‘Seven to Captain Janeway.’_

Janeway hit her comms. ‘Go ahead, Seven.’

 _‘Captain, I am getting some very strange readings in astrometrix,’_ Seven explained.

‘We’re getting some very strange readings up here too,’ she replied.

Janeway leaned back in her chair, watching the space ahead as a small blue line appeared, then opened wider. She silence that took over the bridge was almost deafening. After a few moments, Paris turned to look at Janeway.

‘Ma’am?’

‘Well if you insist,’ she replied, standing up. ‘But I’m coming with you.’


	2. Chapter 2

 

Janeway stepped out of her quarters, equal parts excited and nervous about their new discovery. This was what she liked best about being out in the Delta quadrant, the surprises they faced daily, the excitement of finding phenomena no other Starfleet ship had ever encountered.

The downside was it highly increased their chances of stumbling upon something dangerous that would cause havoc amongst the crew.

Although they had managed to evade total destruction so far.

‘Kathryn,’ the familiar voice called her from behind.

She smiled both internally and externally. Here it was. The usual pep talk about how she didn’t have to go, any officer on this ship could do the job, knowing perfectly well that she was far too curious to send other Voyager crew on every mission.

Turning around she faced Chakotay. His expression read the usual calm smile, with a slight edge of concern behind his eyes.

She enjoyed it. Knowing someone cared whether or not she came back. Not that the rest of the ship didn’t, but somehow with him it was different. He didn’t care about Captain Janeway coming back, he cared about Kathryn coming back.

‘I’ll be back for our weekly dinner tonight,’ she smiled.

‘I thought maybe I should cook this time,’ he suggested, his smile spreading. ‘Unless you were looking forward to burning another roast.’

She narrowed her eyes at him and crossed her arms. ‘You make it sound like I’m forcing you to eat my terrible food.’

She turned and started walking, he instinctively took stride beside her – probably a few inches too close.

‘I would eat cinders every night if it meant your company,’ he said quietly.

For a moment she felt her insides do that thing they did whenever things got just a little too close between them. She didn’t look at him, she’d learned over the years that it was better not to. Not that feeling his proximity so close to hers wasn’t enough to send her system a little loopy, but that intense look in his eyes only served to make things ten times worse.

In different circumstances, if she weren’t the Captain, if he wasn’t her first officer, if they were still on that planet where they had let their feelings win -

‘Having said that, I am happy to volunteer my not so terrible cooking skills just this once, since you’ll be busy,’ he continued.

He did that on purpose. Starting a sentence, leaving pause so she could overthink things, then finishing it off with something light. She’d tell him off for it if it didn’t mean admitting that there was anything to bring up in the first place.

‘As long as you don’t use the opportunity to poison me and take my job, Commander,’ she smiled as she stopped to face him.

‘Good luck,’ he said, holding his hands behind his back and smiling at her.

‘You too,’ she responded, lightly touching his arm with her hand before turning to meet Paris.

She could feel his eyes on her back as she walked off. It comforted her.

 

*

 

‘Ready Captain?’ Paris asked as she took her seat.

‘Always,’ she responded.

He ran through the usual protocols, radioing through to the Bridge. Chakotay’s voice responded, again bringing that familiar warmth to her whole system. Every time she heard him talk it was like the entire universe seemed like a safe place. She wondered how long it would have taken her to have a nervous breakdown had she not had him by her side through all of this.

She suspected not long.

As Paris took off into open space she let herself think back to their dinner the week before. She had burnt the spaghetti sauce, not just a little, but to the point where they had eaten toast and peanut butter instead. It wasn’t even something she was that bad at, particularly using a replicator, but it was like the more often she had dinner with him, the more nervous she got about it.

It was the only moment they had, once a week, to just be two people who ate food and talked about their lives. She didn’t have that with anyone else, he was the only one who really understood her responsibilities. After all, he had been Captain of his own ship. He had lived that feeling.

But that last dinner she felt like they had finally crossed the line into complete comfort. Too far almost. Given the complete failure of a dinner, they had allowed themselves a couple of extra glasses of wine. Maybe a couple too many, which had lead them to sitting on the sofa, laughing over something or other, she couldn’t even remember what.

_His hand landed on hers, lying casually over the back of the sofa. Instantly her gaze shot back to him. He was still laughing as he took a sip from his wine glass, as though there was nothing unusual about this._

_Or maybe because he wasn’t the one putting the stops on anything._

_‘Chakotay,’ she said quietly._

_He pulled the glass away from his lips - his slightly separated, and suddenly very attractive, lips, making eye contact with her._

_‘Yes, Kathryn?’ he asked._

_He made no move to acknowledge their hand situation, and she none to remove hers from under his. She waited, expecting him to notice, to remove himself as he always did. But it became apparent to her quite quickly that he wasn’t intending to. He was testing the line._

_She pulled her hand away abruptly._

_‘Perhaps it’s best I turn in for the night,’ she whispered after a few moments, standing up and placing her wine glass firmly on the nearby table._

_She saw him physically slump, only for a moment, before he composed himself and stood up._

_‘As you wish,’ he responded. ‘Thank you for dinner.’_

_‘Thank you for coming.’_

_He watched her for a few moments – thinking, feeling, considering – then he smiled and turned to leave._

_As he reached the door she felt the familiar disappointment she did every week when this time came._

_‘Same time next week?’ she asked, a little too eager._

_He turned and smiled at her. ‘Always.’_

And with that he had been gone and she had had another sleepless night staring at the ceiling and wondering ‘what if’. She would cut it off completely except they knew that would never work. She needed something to cling to each week, even if it was an entirely emotionally relationship where they never discuss anything. The physical contact was one step too far, her crew would lose respect for her and they need her to -

‘You’re awfully quiet today, Captain,’ Paris cut into her thoughts.

She turned to look at him. She had almost forgotten what they were doing. Something far more exciting than her weekly dinner. In theory anyway.

‘I haven’t had my coffee,’ she replied. ‘But this should wake me up.’

They were fast approaching the event horizon. She glanced at her screen, it was definitely some kind of rip in space but of what kind she wasn’t sure.

‘It’s beautiful!’ she proclaimed.

Tom Paris seemed equally in awe of it as they approached, but didn’t feel the need to say anything.

‘Any idea what it might be?’ Paris asked.

‘From what I can see I believe it’s some kind of portal, but to what I’m not sure,’ she responded. ‘We’ll need to take this data back to Seven so that she can properly analyse it.’

At that moment the rip in space began to grow rapidly.

‘Uh, Captain?’

‘Get us out of here as fast as you can, Lieutenant,’ she replied.

‘Yes, ma’am.’

 

*

 

Chakotay hated it when she left him in charge, not because he didn’t enjoy the part where he got to run the ship for a day, but because he hated her leaving the ship without him there. He was years beyond pretending he wasn’t in love with her, he just wished she would let him in a little more.

He had tried the week before, tested the line, but it seemed to be firmly lodged in the ground where she had nailed in her protective wall. She was good at that, putting up a wall. He seemed to be the only person who could even get an invitation to view the other side but every time he tried to go through it she was very good at reminding him it wasn’t allowed.

If it was simply lust this would all be much easier. They could have slept together once, twice, maybe even ten times and then moved on.

But this was something entirely different and he would rather be by her side every day than to have her shut him out completely. That thought alone broke his heart and he couldn’t imagine what it would be like not to have her around. Not having their weekly dinners and their ready room disagreements.

He lived for those moments.

And for simply sitting by her side day in and day out.

He could think of no greater honour.

‘Report on their progress,’ he spoke suddenly, breaking the still silence on the bridge he hadn’t realised was there his words rang out.

‘They’ve just reached the event horizon,’ Harry informed him.

He felt a little relieved but not entirely.

‘Thank you, Harry,’ he replied, settling back into his seat.

He wanted dinner that night to be perfect. She was always the host, and he was rather looking forward to being the host for once. It was a matter of practicality, she had the larger quarters. However, he figured smaller quarters may not be such a hindrance after the previous week.

He hadn’t intended his hand to land on hers, yet somehow once it had it felt so right that he couldn’t bring himself to remove it. What he had wanted to do in that moment was take her hand into his properly, run his thumb over her soft skin and then pull her in close for a kiss.

That was what he wanted to do most of the time, but at that moment something had been different. He had almost felt like he could.

He wanted to know if she would shut him out completely tonight, bring out the water, rather than the wine, and make small chit chat about unimportant gossip, or if things would head down that road again. He already savoured every moment spent in the privacy of her quarters, but that one had been one step further and he couldn’t shake it from his mind.

It had been six years. How much longer was she going to deprive herself of anything?

It was conceited to think she would jump straight into his arms given the opportunity, but he couldn’t shake the feeling that this wasn’t just a one way thing. He had gotten through to her all those years earlier, had they had a few days longer alone on that planet things would have gone far beyond the flirtation and promise that had rung so strong between them.

It was so long ago but he couldn’t let it go, the feeling of her hand clutched in his, her eyes showing exactly how she felt even if her words didn’t. The way they had slept that night, fully clothed but in each other’s arms, and the way he had woken up in the morning to find her cooking up vegetables for them to eat as breakfast. It was all like some strange fantasy he had had, except he knew it had been real –

‘Sir?’

Harry’s voice sounded concerned. Chakotay turned to face him.

‘Yes, Ensign?’

‘They’ve just disappeared off my radar,’ he responded.

Chakotay was on his feet and by Harry’s side in a matter of seconds. ‘What do you mean disappeared?’

‘There was a large burst of energy from the rip and now they’re gone.’

He could hear the fear in Harry’s voice, but it was outshadowed by what he heard in his mind. He hit the button on the console to contact the ship.

‘Captain, Lieutenant, we’ve lost you on our radar, please respond,’ Chakotay spoke.

The silence shattered the bridge.

‘I repeat, we have lost you on our radar, if you can hear this please respond.’

Nothing.

‘Kathryn,’ he used as a last resort, as though using her first name would help.

There was a crackle.

‘ _Chakotay_?’

It was her. He smiled at Harry.

‘Yes, Captain, it’s me,’ he replied. ‘Is Lieutenant Paris okay?’

There was silence for a moment and his heart hung in his chest as though suspended in time.

‘ _Captain?’_ she responded. ‘ _Chakotay, Tom Paris died three years ago.’_

Chakotay looked up at Harry, the look of confusion echoed on his face.

Something was very wrong.

 


	3. Chapter 3

Kathryn opened her eyes slowly. There was something oddly familiar about the interior of the sick bay she was in, but it wasn’t Voyager’s. It didn’t feel like somewhere she had been before but the architecture definitely felt like it was from the Alpha Quadrant.

Looking to her right she could see Paris lying, still unconscious, on the table next to her.

Sitting up she was surprised by B’Elanna sitting opposite them, phaser in hand and pointed directly at her, no uniform in sight.

‘B’Elanna, where are we?’ she asked.

B’Elanna didn’t respond, instead hitting a button on the console next to her and speaking into that. ‘Chakotay, Kathryn is awake.’

 _Kathryn_?

Suddenly she registered where she was. A Maquis ship. She recognised it because of the information Tuvok had been passing to her.

She looked around. The sick bay was small and simplistic, but functional. How on Earth had they ended up here? Time travel?

No.

She knew what this was.

The door slid open a moment later and Chakotay walked in, dressed in his Maquis uniform, phaser on his belt. She had to admit, part of her wondered if she was just unconscious and having a really vivid daydream, because he was definitely looking good in those clothes.

But this felt a little too real.

And B’Elanna and Paris weren’t usually in her daydreams.

‘Kathryn,’ he stated.

She wasn’t sure if he was happy to see her, or angry. At least he knew who she was.

He pulled up a chair, nodding to B’Elanna to leave the room. Without a second question she left them alone with the unconscious Tom Paris. As she left she took one last glance at Paris, before letting the doors shut behind her.

To her complete surprise Chakotay took her hand in his and kissed it lightly.

‘What happened? Where did you find Tom Paris and why are you dressed in a Starfleet uniform? Did you manage to contact Starfleet?’ he asked.

She was thrown off by the complete lack of suspicion.

And the fact he was holding her hand.

Maybe this _was_ a fantasy.

‘I could ask you some very similar questions,’ she responded.

‘Similar questions?’

She looked around, slowly considering the situation. Here she was, on the Maquis ship, with Chakotay and B’Elanna dressed in Maquis clothing, no Doctor in sight.

There was only one explanation that made sense to her.

‘Tell me something, Chakotay,’ she made sure to hold his eye contact, keep his trust. ‘Were you investigating a rip in space when I appeared?’

‘You went out to get some readings, yes,’ he replied. ‘Kathryn, what is this about?’

His grip loosened on her hand as he started to piece together what she had. She glanced down at their hands, unwilling to let go, because right now she needed the comfort.

‘I believe that I’ve been transported to an alternate reality,’ she said. ‘Once where I assume Voyager was destroyed somehow and we ended up trying to get home on the Maquis ship.’

He let go of her hand slowly. ‘You mean, you’re not my Kathryn?’

‘No. In my reality I’m Captain Janeway of the Federation Starship Voyager, and here I assume I’m not…’ she responded.

The look on his face said all she needed to know.

In this universe being Chakotay’s Kathryn didn’t mean she was his Captain. It meant a whole different thing.

 

*

_USS Voyager_

Chakotay entered the sickbay, sitting on the table in front of them was Janeway, but not as he knew her. She had long hair, down to her waist, and she was wearing it loose – along with, what looked suspiciously like, Maquis clothing. He did note that she still wore the Starfleet comm badge, but other than that her look was entirely different.

He’d be lying if he said he didn’t like the idea of her being Maquis.

‘Captain?’ he tested.

She looked up, her face lit up upon seeing his for a moment, before her cautious nature took over and she hid her emotions.

It was interesting to see being in the Maquis hadn’t changed that part of her.

‘It’s funny, I was about to call you the same thing,’ she responded, a partial smile making its way back onto her face. ‘But I assume in this reality we remained on Voyager, so I’m still in charge.’

She paused for a moment, thinking, trying hard to imagine a world where she was Captain, while he was trying his best to imagine a world where she wasn’t. He wouldn’t have it any other way, but he was curious to know how that would work.

‘How is she?’ he turned to the Doctor.

‘Well, she’s definitely Kathryn Janeway, and other than a little exposure to radiation, she’s in perfect health,’ the Doctor replied.

Chakotay nodded, looking back at Kathryn. ‘I’m going to have to brief the ship before showing you around, we don’t want to cause any confusion.’

He hesitated.

‘And we may need to get you a Starfleet uniform.’

She smiled. ‘Well, that’s something I never truly thought I’d be wearing again.’

Chakotay walked back out of the sickbay, heading for the Bridge. He felt confused. Having this other Kathryn here was a good sign, it meant it was likely that his Kathryn was also out there, but it wasn’t his Kathryn, and he couldn’t help but worry about where his Kathryn was at that moment.

He needed to know she was safe.

With a knot in his stomach he entered the Bridge, a group of curious eyes looking straight at him. This was going to take some explaining.

 

*

_Maquis Ship_

 

She looked around the quarters they had given her. They definitely weren’t anything that could be found on Voyager, but they seemed comfortable enough.

There was a knock on the door and she smiled slightly at the lack of technology.

‘Come in,’ she called out.

Unsurprisingly it was Chakotay who entered. Captain Chakotay of the Maquis.

If she wasn’t so concerned with getting home, she would have very much been enjoying living in what could be considered her fantasy.

‘I brought you some of Kathryn’s clothes,’ he held out a few dresses, a pair of pants and a shirt before laying them on the table by the entrance. ‘I know you’re probably more comfortable in your Starfleet uniform, but she got used the Maquis ways and it might help you fit in better on the ship.’

‘Thank you, that’s very kind,’ she replied.

For a moment there was an awkward silence as they both stood there. She glanced down at the clothes, suddenly uncomfortable with the moment, but she could feel his eyes watching her.

‘We aren’t together where you’re from, are we?’ he asked.

Her suspicion being confirmed felt like a punch to the chest. Here she was, in some reality where she didn’t have the responsibility of being Captain, where she could wear whatever she wanted, where she was in a relationship with Chakotay –

A part of her liked it here.

But it wasn’t home.

For her, this wasn’t reality.

‘No,’ she replied, still avoiding eye contact with him, picking up the pants and a loose, black shirt from the pile of clothes.

That seemed like a harmless combination.

‘Why not?’

Typical Chakotay. Always asking questions that she didn’t have answers to, always wanting to know the one thing she couldn’t bring herself to talk about.

She glanced over at him to see a small smile spreading across his face.

‘My Kathryn doesn’t like discussing her feelings either.’

Now it was her turn to smile. They might be from different realities, but this guy knew her just as well as she knew him. She let her guard drop a little bit, returning the smile.

‘I’m the Captain of a Starfleet ship, you – my Chakotay – he’s the First Officer,’ she responded. ‘It wouldn’t look good.’

‘I see.’

He was unconvinced, she could hear it in his voice. It was a statement and a question, he was waiting for more of an explanation.

And suddenly it dawned on her that she didn’t have one.

‘That’s it,’ she finished.

‘That’s it?’ he narrowed his eyes at her and took a step closer. ‘So you have feelings for him then, you just don’t want to act on them?’

She could feel her Starfleet uniform tightening around her neck, a single bead of sweat travelling down her face. He was oh so very close and asking oh such inappropriate questions and she couldn’t find any words to respond with. This was a topic she just avoided, sometimes she let herself think about it, to day dream, to wish, but she never spoke about it. Not ever. Speaking about it would only make it easier to cross the line.

When he took a step back she was almost disappointed.

‘Sorry, I just miss her,’ he admitted. ‘I understand that you have boundaries and rules. I respect that and I won’t bring it up again.’

He paused, as though waiting for a response, but she had none, her mind focused solely on how red her cheeks were and how flustered she felt.

‘I’ve briefed the crew, so you’re welcome on the bridge whenever – ‘

A knock on the door cut him off.

‘Come in,’ she spoke.

Paris entered, now dressed in Maquis clothes, a huge smile on his face. He stopped as he saw Chakotay.

‘Is now not a good time?’ he asked.

‘It’s fine,’ they both responded at once.

He mouthed an ‘OK’ as he entered the small quarters.

‘I best be getting back to the Bridge,’ Chakotay looked pointedly at Kathryn. ‘We have dinner as a group in two hours, you are both welcome to join us.’

‘Thank you, Captain,’ Janeway replied, the word feeling strange coming out of her mouth.

He hesitated, as though the name sounded as strange to him as it had felt for her to say, then left without another word.

Paris took a seat.

‘Well, that was suitably awkward,’ he commented.

She glared at him and he immediately stopped that line of conversation. She was struggling enough having Chakotay asking her questions, she didn’t need the actual Tom Paris to be asking them too. Answering those questions could actually lead to the exact consequences she was hoping to avoid.

‘So how are we getting home?’ he quickly changed the topic.

‘That I have no idea about,’ she responded. ‘Unfortunately I doubt this ship has much in the ways of advanced scientific technologies, knowing Chakotay, that is not his priority.’

She glanced out the window at the rip. It was still there, they could try simply flying at it, perhaps it would work again…

‘B’Elanna acted very strangely towards me,’ Paris commented, his tone changing.

Then she remembered a question Chakotay had asked. _‘Where did you find Tom Paris?’_

‘Lieutenant, I think there’s a good chance that in this reality, you aren’t a part of this crew,’ Janeway replied.

He looked up at her. ‘That’s what I’m afraid of. I get the impression that I’m dead.’

 


	4. Chapter 4

 

_USS Voyager_

Chakotay smiled as he entered the room, looking over at Kathryn’s face. She was doing her best to avoid eye contact with Seven, who was staring her down as though she was some kind of strange specimen to be scientifically analysed. Seven tilted her head.

‘I do not exist where you come from,’ Seven stated.

Kathryn looked at her now. ‘I’m sorry, was that a question?’

‘No,’ Seven responded. ‘Merely an observation.’

Chakotay took a seat at the head of the table, something that felt a little strange to him given that there was a Kathryn there, even if it wasn’t his Kathryn. All eyes were suddenly on him, except Seven’s, which were strictly focused on this strange version of Janeway she was fascinated by.

‘Seven,’ Chakotay needed her attention more than anyone else’s.

She looked at him. ‘Yes?’

‘Have you had any luck analysing the rip in astrometrics?’

‘Yes. I believe that it is exactly as we thought, a rip in space time that has opened up into an alternate reality where apparently I am still Borg and Captain Janeway does not know me,’ Seven responded.

Kathryn leaned forward. ‘Actually, I’m not the Captain.’

Everyone looks at her, only now surprised by the situation. Seven raises an eyebrow and tilts her head again.

‘Then who is?’

Kathryn looks at Chakotay. A flash of pride in her eyes hit him. He wasn’t used to this side of her, the side that had her guard down, that was willing to show her emotions – it just seemed so like –

He clicked.

So much like when they had been alone on that planet. Alone.

But that couldn’t be, could it?

He dragged his eyes away from hers before anyone else saw what he had just realised and looked back at the table. B’Elanna particularly looked antsy. He would have to speak to her after the meeting.

‘It’s unimportant who plays what role in the other universe, what we need is a way to contact them, to make sure that our Janeway and Paris are safe and for us to all work together to find a safe way home for everyone,’ he finished. ‘Dismissed.’

There was a few ‘Yes, sirs’ and a few quieter comments that he felt weren’t directed at him, then everyone began leaving, except Kathryn. He needed to chase after B’Elanna and reassure her that they were going to do everything to get Tom back, but he couldn’t just leave Kathryn sitting there, alone and confused.

He touched her lightly on the shoulder.

‘Are you okay?’ he asked.

She turned to look at him, a sad smile crossing her face. ‘I’m fine. You better comfort B’Elanna, I assume her and Tom have made a life for themselves here?’

The way she could read him was a whole other level. He and Kathryn were close, but not this close, not to the point where she knew what he was thinking.

He liked it.

He squeezed her shoulder lightly. ‘You’re right. But let me cook you dinner tonight, it’s the least I can do to make you feel welcome. My quarters.’

Also he had a few questions for her.

She seemed to find that thought comforting. ‘That sounds lovely.’

She reached up and squeezed his hand quickly before standing up and leaving. He followed, not too closely, and totally enjoying even the small moment of physical contact.

*

_USS Voyager_

He entered engineering to find B’Elanna already busy with work. He walked over to her and stood next to her, not saying a word.

‘I’m fine, Chakotay,’ she shot at him as she walked by.

‘I know,’ he responded.

‘I don’t need you to comfort me or tell me everything will be okay, I just need you to tell me what to do to fix the situation,’ she continued, punching something into the computer.

‘I know,’ he was smiling now.

She walked past him again to grab something else and he grabbed her arm, pulling her back towards him. She glared at him, unimpressed. Lucky for him, he and B’Elanna had worked so closely together on the Maquis ship that he knew exactly how far he could push her until he was going to get something thrown in his face.

‘What?’ she snapped.

‘We will get them back,’ he said. ‘I promise.’

Her strong exterior faltered for a moment and he saw the concern in her expression. ‘I just need to know he’s okay.’

‘I understand,’ he responded.

A little _too_ well.

He was dying to know that Kathryn was okay, although he was laughing a little at the idea of being her Captain, of her trying to function day to day on a Maquis ship.

‘She’ll be okay too,’ B’Elanna replied, grabbing his hand and pulling it off her arm. ‘I have work to do.’

She walked off, leaving him alone to wonder if they would ever manage to pull this off.

 

*

 

_Maquis Ship_

Janeway and Paris entered the mess hall, some of the crew were scattered around, eating and chatting.

‘Bit smaller than ours, isn’t it?’ Paris joked quietly.

The room went silent as everyone looked at them, specifically at Paris, then a low murmur took over. Janeway headed towards Neelix and the food, Paris followed shortly after.

‘I don’t like everyone looking at me like I’m a zombie,’ Paris muttered as they made their way down the line.

Neelix’s face lit up when he saw them.

‘Oh, Mr Paris!’ he exclaimed, before making his way around the counter to hug him.

Paris awkwardly patted him on the back.

‘I know it’s not you, the you I know, but it’s still so wonderful to see you,’ he continued, moving back to his food. ‘Here you go, have extra!’

He lopped an extra spoonful of – something – onto Paris’ plate before serving Janeway.

‘Welcome to both of you,’ he finished.

‘It’s good to see you, Neelix,’ Janeway smiled at him.

Paris seemed too dumbfounded to remember how to speak.

She whisked him away and started looking for a place to sit. Seeing Chakotay and B’Elanna in the corner she decided that seemed like the most logical decision. She started heading for their table, Paris grabbed her arm.

‘Is that a good idea?’ he asked.

‘Do you have a better one?’

He looked around the room at the people staring at him and decided she was right. She smiled as she followed him towards Chakotay and B’Elanna. As her eyes met Chakotay’s she felt the familiar feeling of comfort and warmth rising in her chest. She tried to push it away but as he smiled and stood up to greet her she couldn’t.

‘Kathryn, Tom, please take a seat,’ he held his hand to signal the empty seats.

B’Elanna noticeably stiffened as Paris took a seat next to her. She shifted her seat slightly, creating a loud screech on the floor. The awkward silence took over the entire room.

‘B’Elanna,’ Chakotay said quietly.

‘I can leave…’ Paris suggested, making a move to stand up.

‘Don’t,’ B’Elanna snapped.

‘O-kay,’ he said, sitting back down. ‘So, Chakotay, how did you convince Captain Janeway to be part of the Maquis? I don’t imagine that was easy?’

Chakotay laughed, leaning back in his chair and putting his arm around the back of her chair. She stiffened a little as he did so, then tried to hide it. Paris looked at her, narrowing his eyes slightly before taking another bite of food and looking back at Chakotay.

‘Well, after Voyager was destroyed she didn’t really have a choice,’ he looked at her and smiled.

Her insides melted a little.

Just a little.

‘But it still took some convincing for her to let me be in charge,’ he continued. ‘Luckily I can be pretty persuasive.’

‘It took almost nothing to convince you to be my second in charge,’ she smiled back at him.

They both held the look a moment too long, until B’Elanna loudly banged her fork on the plate. Everyone looked at her.

‘I’m sorry to interrupt, but am I the only one who is concerned about our Kathryn and how we’re going to get her home?’ she spoke quietly but Janeway could tell she was mad.

‘Our ship has advanced technology, I’m hoping they will find a way to communicate with us,’ Janeway replied. ‘I think that the issue can probably be resolved in the same way it was created – we fly to the event horizon at the same time your version of me does. But the timing will need to be exact.’

B’Elanna nodded. ‘That sounds plausible. But how can you be sure that your team will find a way to contact us?’

‘They’ve done it before,’ Janeway replied. ‘We previously got stuck in space time with an almost identical Voyager and had to find a way to communicate. I’m hoping this is similar.’

B’Elanna seemed happy with the response, returning to her food. Janeway turned back to Chakotay to find him smiling at her.

‘Maybe I should have let you be Captain,’ he said quietly. ‘It suits you.’

 

*

 

_USS Voyager_

Chakotay smiled as she walked into his quarters. Maybe she wasn’t his Kathryn, but the image was the same. Mostly. She stopped and looked around.

‘Well, this is a little nicer than what I’m used to,’ she replied.

He smiled, pulling out a chair for her. ‘You should see your quarters.’

She took a seat, and he sat down opposite her. In front of them sat a perfectly cooked roast and a bottle of replicated alcoholic cider. He hesitated for a moment. This was meant for her, his Kathryn. For the first time in forever the food was perfect, the cider was decent, the candles were lit in a specific arrangement he had spent far too much time plotting out the night before.

Suddenly a hand was on his.

He looked up to see her sad eyes looking across at him.

‘This was for her, wasn’t it?’

She could see right through him.

He smiled. ‘Yes. I had been planning it all week.’

‘You aren’t together, are you?’

Well that answered that question.

Her hand still sat comfortable on top of his. Slowly he turned his hand over, then tangled his fingers into hers. It reminded him of that night all those years ago, her casual appearance and long hair definitely helping that memory resurfacing.

‘No,’ he whispered, letting his eyes meet hers.

The sadness he saw in her look sent a shockwave through him. He saw his own emotions reflected in her eyes and it was like looking clearly into a mirror for the first time. He suddenly understood how much pain this caused him.

He pulled his hand away from hers.

‘I’m sorry…’ he said quietly, picking up his fork, ready to eat.

‘You love her,’ Kathryn smiled as she said it. ‘But she won’t let it happen because she doesn’t want to lose the respect of the crew...’

‘It’s almost as though you understand how her mind works,’ he smiled in return as he took a bite of food.

‘Then let me give you some insight,’ she leaned forward. ‘Tell her.’

‘She knows,’ he cut her off, paying attention to his food.

‘She knows that you’re attracted to her, she doesn’t know that you love her. Remind her that she’s stuck on this mission for who knows how long and she’s allowed to have feelings. Trust me, she hasn’t spent much time thinking about that fact.’

He laughed to himself.

‘What?’ she asked.

‘You make it sound so simple,’ he responded, looking up at her.

‘It is,’ she replied. ‘It worked in my reality.’

‘You have the advantage of being on a Maquis ship,’ he commented.

‘I was Starfleet far longer than I’ve been Maquis,’ she responded, finally taking a bite of her food. ‘Mmm, Chakotay, this is delicious! I didn’t know you could cook.’

‘It was a fluke,’ he smiled. ‘You…my Kathryn burns dinner every week so I said it was my turn this week. I feel like maybe I have the better functioning replicator.’

It took him a few moments of eating before he noticed she had gone silent. He looked up at her, chewing, to find her staring at him across the table. Even though it wasn’t his Kathryn, that look was almost too much for him to stand. The longing and the love in her expression was everything that he dreamed of.

‘Chakotay,’ she whispered. ‘This must be killing you, it must be killing her! Private candlelit dinners, sitting side by side all day, not being able to be together…’

It wasn’t as if he hadn’t thought about it, but hearing it said out loud, in her voice, it was like some kind of invisible knife had been launched into his chest.

‘Why do you do it?’ she finished.

‘Because it’s all I have,’ he admitted. ‘And I will take any moment with Kathryn that I can, even if it’s two hours a week on opposite ends of a table.’

‘Then she’s an idiot for pushing you away.’

He wanted to correct her, but he couldn’t, he completely agreed with the sentiment, but it wasn’t his place to.

_‘Seven to Chakotay. I think I have a way to communicate with the Maquis ship. Please make your way to astrometrics immediately.’_

‘I’m on my way,’ he responded immediately, standing up.

Kathryn also stood up.

‘I’m sorry I have to run out, please finish,’ he replied.

She took a few steps around the table so she was right in front of him, then with no warning she quickly and lightly kissed him on the cheek before taking a few steps back.

He thought in that moment that he might be frozen to his current spot. He had dreamed of this moment so many times, although not in this exact way. He couldn’t let that go quite yet.

He grabbed her arm and pulled her back to him, suddenly her lips were against his, the slight hint of the cider still lingering. It felt so completely right and so completely like he was acting out a fantasy he knew he may never have the chance to live.

Everything about this felt so right and wrong at the same time. He wanted to stay in that moment forever, to not have to face the consequences of this not being his reality, no matter how much he wanted it to be.

It almost felt like a dream as she snaked her hands up behind his neck and pulled back, breaking the kiss but keeping them close.

‘You know I’m not her,’ she whispered.

‘I know.’

He leaned his forehead against hers and took in a deep breath.

‘I needed to know how it felt,’ he whispered. ‘But now I wish I didn’t.’

He pulled away from her, the tears pushing their way up to the surface. He couldn’t let this win, not now. He had to get his Kathryn back, and then there was definitely a conversation that they should be having.

He couldn’t go the rest of his life without that feeling again.


	5. Chapter 5

_U.S.S. Voyager_

When the two of them entered astrometrics, Seven immediately knew something was different. He was distant, no, distracted. And Janeway was…

Sad?

She quickly explained her plan to them, but she spent more time analysing the situation. They both had flushed cheeks, Chakotay’s temperature was higher than normal, their body language indicated awkwardness -

‘You have had romantic relations,’ she stated.

The look on Janeway’s face answered her question. The shock only flashed across her face for a moment, but it was clear. Seven had understood that reaction as a ‘yes’.

‘Seven,’ Chakotay warned her, but she noticed the beads of sweat on his forehead.

‘I should get to my quarters. If we’re going to attempt this tomorrow I best get a good night’s rest,’ Janeway quickly spoke, then touched Chakotay lightly on the arm. ‘Thanks for dinner. And thank you for your help Seven of Nine.’

‘It is my job,’ Seven replied. ‘But you are welcome.’

Chakotay hung back. She didn’t wish to push him any further, so remained silent, waiting for him to say something. Anything.

‘Do you think this will really work?’ he asked. ‘It’s no risk to Captain Janeway and Lieutenant Paris?’

‘It will work without issue,’ Seven replied.

He smiled. ‘Well, that seems unlikely given our experiences in this Quadrant, but I’ll take your word for it.’

‘How long have you harboured romantic feelings for the Captain?’ she questioned.

His heart rate increased, his breath became shorter and his eyes found a place to look as far away from hers as possible without having to turn around. She had to admit, she had a thing for the Commander, but if there was something going on between the two of them she had no interest in getting between them.

‘The Captain and I are good friends,’ he replied.

‘You are avoiding answering my question,’ Seven responded.

He looked directly at her before answering.

‘It’s not an appropriate question for you to ask.’

With that he turned and left, leaving her only with a plan to get back their Janeway and wondering why humans were so illogical about their feelings.

 

*

 

_Maquis Ship_

‘How did it happen?’

He seemed surprised when he turned around to find her standing there, but not disappointed. He had been standing in the dark and empty mess hall, staring out at the event horizon. He was worried about her – the other her -  she could read him well enough to know that much. Secretly she hoped her Chakotay was on the other side doing exactly the same thing.

‘I assume you’re not talking about convincing you that I was in charge?’ he smiled.

‘That too,’ she smiled in return. ‘But no, that’s not what I meant.’

‘With great difficulty,’ he laughed. ‘You are not an easy woman to convince to change her ways. It was Starfleet this and Starfleet that…’

His laughter faded as she walked towards him, standing next to him.

‘I reminded her that this is a Maquis ship, we do things differently here. I told her that we may never get home, that she was giving up her whole life by refusing to be with me. I promised her that I was going to get us all home either way. And for a long time she fought me – ‘

_Kathryn was sitting at the edge of a lake, smiling up at the skies above them. Relaxed, a little intoxicated. He appeared behind her, hands behind his back._

_‘Happy birthday,’ he said quietly, holding out a flower._

_A huge smile spread across her face and she stood up, taking the flower from him._

_‘Chakotay, my birthday isn’t for another two hours,’ she replied._

_‘This seemed like the opportune moment,’ he nodded to the nearby celebrations._

_Loud music played while an occasional firework shot off into the sky. This particular species liked to celebrate intensely every time they made a trade deal, and that had been fine by them. Any excuse to get off the ship and stretch their legs. After all, there was no holodeck on the Maquis ship._

_‘A dance, birthday girl?’ he held out his hand._

_‘Can a Captain really spare a dance for his First Officer?’ she replied, taking it anyway._

_They began to sway to the music._

_‘I can demote you if that would help,’ he joked._

_She mocked offence for a moment before laughing. ‘Oh I may have had one too many of those local drinks. They are rather potent aren’t they?’_

_‘I think the birthday girl is allowed.’_

_For a few moments they remained silent, enjoying each other’s company, the music, the alone time. He smiled as she leaned into his chest, allowing him to rest his head on top of hers._

_It might have been her birthday but he was definitely enjoying this moment._

_Maybe it was the moonshine, or perhaps courage finally won after a three year battle, but he chose that moment._

_‘I love you, Kathryn,’ he whispered quietly._

_Her head jolted up to look at him, but she didn’t stop dancing._

_‘Chakotay…’ she whispered._

_‘Let me finish,’ he returned. ‘I love you and I want us to be together. I know it’s against Starfleet regulations but there’s a reason I left Starfleet. We may never make it home, ever, are you willing to give up everything that could be because it might not go well?’_

_‘How would it look to the crew?’ she countered._

_He stopped dancing and looked her in the eye. ‘Kathryn, how do you feel about me? Completely honestly? Because if you feel nothing I will walk away and never bring it up again, but if you feel something, anything, I can’t let that go.’_

_For what felt like forever she didn’t speak, and he could see the internal battle going on inside her. This was his issue with her, she overthought every little decision, imagined the worst case scenario. It was part of what had made her such a successful Starfleet Captain._

_When she spoke he wasn’t quite expecting it._

_‘I love you too,’ she responded._

_He didn’t let her say another word before leaning in and kissing her._

Kathryn hadn’t quite been expecting the level of detail or emotion in his story. For a moment she felt completely overwhelmed and was unable to find the words to speak.

‘I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have told you that story,’ he said quietly. ‘I just don’t understand why your Chakotay hasn’t said anything.’

‘Maybe he doesn’t feel that way about me,’ she responded.

That was the simplest solution.

‘I highly doubt that,’ he paused for a moment. ‘Do you feel that way about him?’

She glanced out at the event horizon.

Did she?

She didn’t really need to ask herself that question, she knew the answer, she just didn’t want it to be the answer. Things were easier if they weren’t together – they were more professional and safe from hurt feelings.

Not that it didn’t hurt her.

‘What I should have said was that I won’t let him feel that way about me, the same way I won’t let myself,’ she admitted.

‘And because he can read you so well he’s never had to ask,’ the smile on his face was a sad one. ‘Being with Kathryn is the best thing that has ever happened to me. You should know that. And no one on the crew judges us for being together. They understand.’

Right there he had alleviated all her fears.

She didn’t need to be scared. It would work out okay.

And suddenly the answer seemed so simple.

‘Yes,’ she spoke quietly.

‘Yes, what?’

‘I feel that way about him.’

Chakotay placed a hand on her arm. ‘Then you need to tell him.’


	6. Chapter 6

_Maquis Ship_

Paris rounded a corner and all but slammed into B’Elanna. She looked just about as happy to see him as he was to be stuck here in this alternate reality.

‘Excuse me,’ she muttered, trying to push past him.

He stepped to block her path, almost regretting it when she looked up at him with a death glare.

‘Move,’ she demanded. ‘Or I’ll phaser you.’

‘No,’ he replied.

She raised her arms up to hit him and he calmly blocked the blow, grabbing her wrists to prevent her from attacking him again.

‘Let go of me,’ she growled at him.

‘Only if you promise not to hit me, and that you’ll let me talk to you for a minute,’ he responded.

She seemed taken aback by how calm he was, how he seemed completely unafraid of her. This seemed to calm her down and he released her wrists. She let her hands fall to her side but still refused to look at him.

‘That’s better,’ he spoke quietly.

They were completely silent for a few moments, he wasn’t entirely sure what he was meant to say now, he hadn’t thought that much through. He just knew that he should say something.

The silence went on for a moment too long.

‘Well it was great talking, Ensign,’ she turned to leave.

‘It’s Lieutenant.’

She stopped, turning back and now looking him directly in the eye. The anger was gone, replaced by something else.

‘Sorry, I guess I hadn’t looked closely enough at your collar before you changed,’ she replied.

‘What did I do to you?’ he asked, already knowing the answer but unable to bring himself to say ‘ _am I dead?_ ’ out loud.

‘You? Nothing specific, although you showing up at all I could have done without,’ she replied. ‘But him? He told me that he loved me and then he died, right in front of me.’

‘I am the worst,’ he smiled as he spoke.

‘You always were,’ she finally smiled back at him.

‘He loved you too,’ he responded without thinking.

Her smile disappeared.

‘That’s no use to me now,’ she stated bluntly.

With that she was gone again, their brief moment shared had ended, and he wondered if she would speak to him again. It broke his heart to not be able to make her feel better, but this wasn’t his world and she knew that as well as him. Anything he did was only going to aggravate the wound.

 

*

 

_USS Voyager_

Chakotay sat alone in the mess hall, looking out at the event horizon. She was there, somewhere, and they were going to get her back. The real question was what was he going to do when they did? Could he actually do what the other Chakotay had done and admit his feelings?

It wasn’t that he had any trouble admitting them to himself, but he had spent so long accepting that it just couldn’t happen, that he was struggling now with the idea that it had – just not in his world.

No matter how sure he was of her safety, he was still concerned about her. He couldn’t help it.

And he knew he shouldn’t have let her go out there on her own.

It was the clearing of B’Elanna’s throat that alerted him to her presence. He turned and smiled at her, welcoming as always. Although he hadn’t particularly wanted company, he couldn’t deny that B’Elanna was probably feeling a lot of the same emotions he was at that moment.

‘I’ve finished building the device we need to communicate with the other ship, I know it’s late but – ‘

He nodded. ‘Seven should finish her regeneration cycle any minute now and then we can give it a shot.’

She hesitated, not quite as excited as he expected her to be.

‘B’Elanna?’ he questioned.

She took a seat next to him. ‘What if it doesn’t work? What if I’ve screwed up and they never make it home?’

‘No one would blame you,’ he responded.

‘I would blame myself,’ she whispered. ‘I can’t live without him, Chakotay.’

‘I don’t much want to live without Captain Janeway either,’ he spoke carefully, hoping she would understand without being suspicious.

There was silence for a few moments and he realised she was studying him. He turned to look at her.

‘Something wrong, B’Elanna?’

‘Nothing,’ she shook her head, looking back out at the event horizon, then smiled slightly. ‘I just thought I saw a moment of admission.’

He was about to deny it when –

‘ _Seven to Chakotay, I am awake. Are we on schedule?’_

He hit his comm badge. ‘We’re ahead of schedule, Seven. B’Elanna and I are on our way to astrometrics.’

 

*

_Maquis Ship_

She had never expected to admit that properly. That she actually wanted something more out of her relationship with Chakotay. Not out loud anyway. That was her dark secret and now she felt like she had admitted it to him – technically she had, just not her ‘him’ – everything seemed so clear and obvious to her.

She was still terrified of the consequences, after all she wasn’t living on a Maquis ship, she lived on a Starfleet one.

Oh Starfleet, what on Earth would they think ifs he showed up after –

She stopped.

What, seventy years? There was another 63 years it was meant to take them to get home. By that stage she highly doubted that her relationship with her First Office would be anyone’s care.

Maybe, in a few years, she could retire and someone else could be Captain.

No.

That would never work. She knew herself better than to think that she could relinquish control of her ship for love.

And could she wait a few years?

She knew the answer to that question.

Her door opened and Paris walked in, not even seeming to register that these were her quarters and he hadn’t knocked. She looked at him with her best stern school principal face but he was thoroughly preoccupied and took a seat opposite her.

‘I died,’ he said, confused. ‘And B’Elanna told me she loved me right in the moments before I died, so now she hates me, because I broke her heart and I’m not entirely sure what to do about it.’

She wasn’t sure what to say in response to that, although lucky for her he didn’t seem to be done.

‘I mean I’m sure if I was capable of it, I would have told her that I loved her too, but I can’t stand seeing B’Elanna so upset and not being able to do anything about it.’

Janeway reached across and placed a hand on his shoulder. He looked up at her, registering for the first time where he was and who he was talking to.

‘Captain, sorry, I didn’t mean – ‘

‘It’s fine, Lieutenant,’ she replied. ‘Being here has made me question a few things myself, I can’t even imagine what it’s been like for you.’

She squeeze his shoulder and leaned back into her chair.

It wasn’t like her and Tom Paris were exactly the kind of friends who discussed feelings, but he was the only other person in her situation at that moment.

‘We’ll make it home, everything will return to normal,’ she assured him, only half believing it herself.

‘But I’ll know this other B’Elanna is here, heartbroken, and that I cause that – the other me,’ he responded.

‘That is out of our control,’ she smiled sadly. ‘Tom, I know this hurts but this isn’t our world.’

‘I know,’ he paused, then stood up. ‘Thank you Captain.’

‘Any time – ‘

She’s cut off by Chakotay entering her quarters, also not knocking. She really wasn’t the Captain on this ship, was she?

He paused the second he saw Paris, as though he only at that moment remembered where they were.

‘My apologies for interrupting,’ he spoke hurriedly. ‘We have had a communication from Voyager. They want to speak with you. My Kathryn is safely on the other side.’

Paris looked slowly between them, the relief in Chakotay’s voice and the fact he had entered without knocking seeming to alert Paris to something.

Janeway hoped it wasn’t the truth.

She wasn’t quite ready for her entire crew to think they were in love.

‘You lead the way, Captain,’ she smiled, standing up and following him out of the room, Tom Paris in tow.

 

*

 

_USS Voyager_

He felt a huge relief as Janeway and Paris appeared on the screen in front of him. They were alive, they were fine. He’d had no reason to expect otherwise, yet he couldn’t stop himself from worrying.

‘Captain, Lieutenant, it’s good to see you,’ he smiled broadly, unable to hide how happy he was.

B’Elanna stood next to him, and while she wasn’t the kind to broadly smile and cheer, she seemed rather upbeat and happy in demeanour.

‘ _Have you found a way for us to get home?’_

‘We have, Seven believes you will simply need to return to the event horizon in the same ship you did before, at the identical time that Kathryn does on our end. In theory the same thing should happen again and switch you back,’ he couldn’t stop smiling.

He was trying to be serious.

But mostly he just wanted to launch through the screen and hug her.

He needed, more than ever, to have her in front of him and for her to understand exactly what it was he was feeling.

He noticed a shift in Janeway’s demeanour and clicked that he had said ‘Kathryn’ in reference to the woman on his side of the rip. He knew instantly she was jealous, obviously she knew what he did about their relationship aboard the Maquis ship.

‘ _Is there a particular time?’_ the other Chakotay butted in.

Chakotay glanced at Kathryn, the one standing by his side. The way she was looking at the other version of him almost broke his heart. His Kathryn never looked at him like that, maybe all of this was just false hope. Maybe things were just different for them.

‘No time like the present,’ Chakotay replied, looking back at the screen. ‘We’ll need to make sure that the ships arrive at the exact same time. How about one hour from now?’

‘ _Sound perfect,’_ he replied. ‘ _Chakotay out.’_

The screen went blank.

‘Well, that was strange to hear,’ he muttered to himself, turning to Kathryn. ‘Are you ready to go home?’

 

 


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the delay! Life got in the way...damn real life.

_Maquis Ship_

She wasn’t _jealous_ , that would be a ridiculous concept, given that they were the same person. But she saw it, the way he referred to her, the way he spoke about her was the same way that this Chakotay spoke about her. What was so wonderful about this woman who was exactly her, minus being the Captain?

Was her job really altering her personality so much?

‘Are you ready to go home?’ Chakotay asked her.

Not her Chakotay.

She smiled. ‘I’ll go and change back into my uniform. Lieutenant, I suggest you do the same.’

Paris nodded and left the Bridge. She did the same, although was very closely followed by Chakotay.

‘Captain, are you intending to help me change, or did you have something to say?’ she questioned, continuing to walk towards her quarters.

This felt more familiar. Walking down a long corridor together, him following her.

‘Did you see his face when you appeared?’ he asked. ‘That man loves you as much as I do.’

She had to tell herself to ignore it, this wasn’t an admission from her Chakotay, this was an entirely different man who just happened to be exactly the same.

She entered her quarters and he followed.

‘You haven’t answered my question,’ he said quietly.

‘It’s not appropriate for me to answer,’ she responded, grabbing her Starfleet uniform and turning to face him.

He looked disappointed.

‘As you wish,’ he turned to leave.

She grabbed his arm and pulled him back around, until he was only an inch from her, then slowly she leaned in and kissed him. She knew it was wrong, on so many levels, but she needed to know. This was the safest way to find out. What she thought was the harmless way.

But it was anything but harmless.

As he pulled away, almost instantly, the wave of disappointment hit her with force.

She never wanted to leave that moment, and there it was, over in a matter of seconds.

‘Kathryn,’ he said quietly. ‘I’m not the one you should be kissing.’

‘I know,’ she whispered, closing her eyes.

He wrapped his arms around her, pulling her into a hug. They stayed like that for a few moments, completely in silence, and finally he spoke.

‘Don’t take the easy way out. It’s worth it.’

With that he left her in the middle of her quarters, holding her Starfleet uniform in hand. Alone.

 

*

Paris had reached his quarters before realising that he had left his Starfleet uniform in Captain Janeway’s quarters, as his quarters were more of a large storage closet than actual quarters.

Rounding the corner, he hadn’t quite expected to see the Captain grab Chakotay and kiss him.

He had suspected something was going on since they had arrived (well if he was honest, a long time before they arrived), but this was a whole new level of unexpected.

In an attempt to get as far away from the situation as possible he found his way back to the Bridge. B’Elanna was sitting at the helm and looked over at him.

‘Are you lost?’ she asked.

This was the last chance he was going to have to talk to her.

He walked over and sat down next to her. She seemed shocked.

‘Tom, that’s the Captain’s chair – ‘

‘I don’t care,’ he replied. ‘I’m sorry.’

‘Don’t apologise to me, it’s Chakotay that’s going to be mad – ‘

‘Not for the chair,’ he cut her off. ‘I’m sorry for what happened to you and I want you to honestly know that he loved you more than anything in the world. He would have married you and you would be pregnant with his child.’

He almost stopped as he saw the tears developing in her eyes, but she looked away, making it a little easier for him to reach out and touch her shoulder.

‘But you need to know that he would never have wanted you to feel like this,’ he continued. ‘He would have wanted you to be happy, to live your life, to date something else.’

‘Like who?’ she snapped at him.

‘I don’t know, Harry?’

Somehow that made her both laugh and cry at the same time.

Then she launched her around him, and he returned the hug, squeezing her as tight as he could.

‘It makes me feel better,’ she whispered. ‘To know that somewhere out there that life exists.’

He didn’t say another word for a few minutes, tears finding their way to his own eyes. Finally she pulled away.

‘Thank you, Tom,’ she smiled. ‘And I hope you have a wonderful life.’

‘Don’t give up,’ he took her hand and squeeze it. ‘I am not the only man in the universe.’

‘Now there’s a sentence I never thought I’d hear you say,’ she laughed. ‘But you need to go, get ready, or I might get my dream of you staying here after all.’

He stood up, smiling at her one last time as he walked off.

At least now he felt a little better.

*

_USS Voyager_

Chakotay smiled as she entered the Ready Room, now back to being dressed in her Maquis outfit. She folded her arms as she stopped in front of him.

‘I need you to promise me one thing before I go home,’ she said sternly, then paused. ‘Actually, I’m making it an order.’

He laughed. ‘I’m not sure who’s actually in charge in this situation, but I feel like it’s me.’

‘Take her to some planet, get her drunk, dance with her, then pull her aside and tell her how you feel,’ she unfolded her arms. ‘She won’t be able to resist it. I promise.’

He stood up from his chair, rounding the desk and taking her hands in his.

‘I’ll do what I can,’ he spoke softly.

She shook her head, smiling. ‘Stubborn, as always.’

‘I think it’s time for you to leave.’

‘I know, and as enjoyable as it’s been to have real proper coffee again, I am definitely looking forward to going home,’ she joked.

He pulled her into a hug.

He wanted to keep this moment, just in case things stayed the way they were. He had this horrible sinking feeling that they were going to. After all, nothing had really changed, what reason did his Janeway have to change the rules now? After seven years?

It was almost as if she read his mind.

‘Even if she turns you down, know that she loves you as much as you love her – ‘

‘But she loves her job more,’ he finished.

She pulled back from the hug and look at him in surprise.

‘Not at all,’ she whispered.

Her surprise was confusing to him. It had always been his assumption that that was the reason, but the said smile now crossing the face of the woman in front of him – not his Kathryn, he had to remember that – seemed to suggest something else.

‘I love you more than any job,’ she continued. ‘But she owes it to these people to get them home, this was her fault, and having her heartbroken by the one person she needs by her side to do that, that’s what she can’t face.’

His heart leapt a little at hearing her say she loved him. Whether it was his Kathryn or not, hearing those words from her mouth meant the world to him.

But he also understood that the rest of that explanation wouldn’t change upon her return. Things could still end badly between them and it would make their journey home that much more difficult.

‘Thank you,’ he said, simply.

There was nothing else he could say. With one sentence she had both given him all the hope in the world, and destroyed any hope he had of things working out.

But he always did what she told him.

He was going to try.

‘You ready to go home?’

‘Let’s do this,’ she smiled.


	8. Chapter 8

_Maquis Ship_

Janeway looked out at the Maquis ship from her jumper, Paris closely watching the controls. She wasn’t sure how she felt about going home – it wasn’t that she didn’t want to, but there was something nagging at her, like perhaps there were some things about this world that she liked.

Or maybe she was just dreading having to have this conversation with Chakotay.

Dreading what?

Dreading that he’d want more from this than she was willing to give? That the other Janeway had gotten to him, that he’d fallen for the other woman and that maybe he wouldn’t want to be with her because they weren’t really the same Janeway…

Was that what she was actually dreading?

That maybe he wouldn’t want this?

Because she did?

Ah.

‘Captain, everything alright?’

She looked over at Paris, almost having forgotten he was there.

‘It’s fine, Lieutenant. How are we looking?’ she responded.

He hesitated, then looked back at the displayed. ‘Just waiting for the word from Voyager that the other Janeway is approaching.’

‘Great,’ she forced a smile, again looking out at the Maquis ship.

Maybe she was wrong to have stuck so closely to Starfleet protocols all these years, maybe the Maquis were right about some things. Everyone seemed happy, they’d made it to the same part of the Delta Quadrant that they had.

Ignoring Starfleet protocols hadn’t destroyed their lives. Maybe it had even improved their lives in some ways -

‘Do you think I stick too closely to Starfleet regulations?’ she asked Paris.

He looks at her. ‘Maybe in some ways…’

‘What ways?’ she questioned.

She was curious, but doubting herself. They were so far from anywhere Starfleet that she wasn’t sure anyone else would have stuck to the Starfleet regulations anywhere near as closely as she had. But she liked order, that was how she lived her life. Routine, order, rules, only breaking those things when it was a necessity.

‘Marrying B’Elanna is the best thing to ever happen to me,’ Paris responded.

She looked at him, confused. That didn’t really answer her question –

Oh.

It suddenly dawned on her that Paris had probably seen right through everything that was going on.

‘My personal life is my own to worry about,’ she responded, reminding him that she was still his Captain.

To her surprise he turned to face her, smiling, completely ignoring her shutting down the line of conversation.

‘Starfleet rules and regulations don’t cover journeys back from the Delta Quadrant. While many of the rules make perfect sense and should be followed, a Captain should never be denied the right to have a life outside of their duties,’ he paused. ‘You’re allowed to be happy.’

An involuntary smile tugged at her lips, and to contradict it she folded her arms across her chest, leaning back in her chair.

‘Tom Paris, this is the last I want to hear about any of this,’ she commanded, but cheerfully.

‘ _Captain, we’re ready,’_ Chakotay’s voice came through the comms.

Paris smiled as he returned to his console.

‘Yes, ma’am,’ he pressed a button before speaking again. ‘Chakotay, this is Lieutenant Paris. We’re making our way towards the event horizon now.’

 _‘Glad to hear it,’_ Chakotay replied. ‘ _Best of luck.’_

‘We’ll see you for dinner, Commander,’ Janeway replied.

 

*

 

_USS Voyager_

Chakotay smiled as he heard her voice. His Kathryn.

Although she had said ‘we’ he knew that she meant ‘I’. He had already planned out their evening meal in his head.

Looking out at the alternate reality Kathryn’s ship approaching the event horizon he felt his stomach tighten into a knot. There was still a chance that this wasn’t going to work. Every moment of their lives was a risk, being in unknown territory with unknown enemies, but this was something completely different.

He knew very well that this could go drastically wrong and that they were lucky in the first place that things had gone this well.

‘They’ll be fine,’ B’Elanna spoke from his side.

He hadn’t even realised she was standing there and turned to look at her.

‘I hope so,’ he replied.

As Kathryn’s ship got closer to the event horizon the comms crackled alive.

‘ _Goodbye Voyager, it was nice to visit you again,’_ Kathryn spoke. ‘ _I wish your Captain and Lieutenant a safe journey home.’_

With that the event horizon lit up and her ship disappeared.

It took a few moments for the fear to grip at Chakotay’s stomach.

‘Harry?’

Harry shook his head, double checking all the readings. ‘They’re not out there, sir. It’s empty space.’

He felt his stomach drop.

‘Check again,’ he demanded.

Harry checked everything again, then looked up at him. ‘No, sir, there’s nothing out there.’

Chakotay’s panic set in instantly, this was the second time in as many days that he was having this feeling, fear of losing Kathryn. He started walking towards Harry Kim just as something beeped on his console.

‘They’re there,’ Harry breathed a sigh of relief.

Chakotay hit his comm badge. ‘Kathryn?’

There was silence for a moment, then a crackle.

‘ _Chakotay,’_ her voice responded. ‘ _It’s good to hear your voice.’_

‘Likewise,’ he finally smiled, making eye contact with B’Elanna. ‘And Lieutenant Paris?’

‘ _Alive and well,’_ Paris’ voice came over the comm unit.

Now it was B’Elanna’s turn to smile.

The sense of relief washed over the bridge faster than it set in to Chakotay.

 

*

 

The two of them walked onto the bridge to unexpected applause. She smiled, glad that her crew had indeed missed her.

Then her eyes fell onto the one person she had missed most. It took all of her energy not to run into his arms right then and there, but she smiled softly at him.

The look in his eyes was one she had seen a thousand times before, but that somehow only made sense to her now. She finally understood it. It was love, pure and hopeful and with no expectation of anything more. Loyalty based in a deep founded respect and admiration.

She felt her smile spreading so far across her face that she half suspected someone to ask her if she had in fact been replaced by an alien.

He took a few steps towards her and lightly placed a hand on her arm.

‘You scared us for a moment there,’ he commented.

‘You know I like to keep things interesting,’ she responded.

Just the feeling of his hand on her arm was too much for her to bare at that moment. She glanced around, no one was paying all that much attention to them. She opened her mouth to suggest they have dinner that night when –

‘I was thinking a replicated roast would make for a good meal tonight,’ he spoke quietly.

‘Sounds perfect,’ she replied.

He dropped his hand from her arm and moved towards Paris to welcome him back, now that B’Elanna had let go of their hug.

Harry Kim was next to approach her, welcoming her back, but she barely heard a word he said as she watched Chakotay over his shoulder, overwhelmed by the emotions she was suddenly feeling towards him.

It wasn’t that they hadn’t always been there, but she had broken down the dam and she didn’t know how to plug it back up.

There was only one solution she could think of.


	9. Chapter 9

 

She took a deep breath as the door slid open. She was pleasantly surprised to find him still in his Starfleet uniform. As much as she had enjoyed the Maquis uniformed version of Chakotay, this one was hers.

‘No uniform?’ he questioned, then smiled. ‘You have been hanging with the Maquis.’

He paused for a moment before finishing his thought.

‘And you look beautiful.’

It wasn’t a word she had often heard herself described as, and she felt far from it at that moment, but she couldn’t help the smile that crept across her face.

She didn’t quite know how to respond to that, so she pretended like he hadn’t said it.

‘I have to say, I love my Starfleet uniform, but it is nice to be out of it on occasion,’ she commented, pushing past him into the room.

His quarters looked gorgeous. While they usually had candles on the table at dinner, he had turned off every other light in the room, leaving only the candlelight to greet her. Her insides grew warm. Now that she knew she wasn’t imagining the extra effort he put in for her, it all meant a little bit more.

She felt him approaching behind her before he spoke.

She noted how close he stood as he pulled the chair out for her.

‘Sit, I’ll grab us a drink,’ he spoke quietly.

Her stomach did a slight flip in the moment before he walked away.

Could she do this?

Yes. She could.

She sat in silence as he considered what drink to pour them. How could everything one person did suddenly seem so much more? Her ability to just sit behind a table and wait for him to come back was eroding with every second he wasn’t there.

For a moment she considered following him, grabbing him and kissing him like she had done with the other Chakotay, but at that moment he returned to the table.

‘I hope red wine will suffice,’ he began filling up her glass.

‘Red wine is fine. So what did I miss while I was off playing Maquis?’ she asked.

He laughed and looked up at her.

Yeah that look definitely made her stomach tie itself into a knot. A slightly uncomfortable one.

Was she ready for this?

‘Well mostly we were working on getting you back,’ he finished filling his own glass and put the bottle down.

He took a seat across from her and leaned in. Her instinct was to move away, but she didn’t, forcing herself to continue leaning on the table. They weren’t too close.

They weren’t close enough.

She reached out and lightly touched his hand. ‘Thank you, I can’t imagine what it would be like if I was stuck in a world where you and I both thought we were Captain.’

‘I imagine it wouldn’t be all that different from when we first met,’ he responded.

‘Ah, but you let me be Captain.’

He took her hand into his and squeeze it lightly.

‘It was your ship,’ he responded lightheartedly. ‘And it’s nice to know that were the circumstances reversed you would have done the same.’

They both fell silent for a moment, so much unspoken between them. She focused on his thumb, lightly stroking the top of her hand, knowing his eyes were on hers, watching, judging –

Burning?

Yes that smell was definitely burning.

‘Are you trying to be me?’ she asked.

Confused he tilted his head. ‘I don’t understand – ‘

She stood up, her hand feeling strangely cold as she took it from his, and she walked over to his Replicator. He ran to her side and looked in to see the charred meal. For a moment she could see the annoyance on his face, and leaned against the wall to watch, a sly smile crossing her lips.

‘Maybe it’s not the Replicator in my quarters that’s faulty, maybe it’s just that we’re cursed to never share a decent dinner,’ she joked.

He looked at her, his annoyance fading and shook his head.

‘I cooked the perfect meal the day you didn’t come back you know,’ he took a step towards her.

‘And I suppose you shared that with the other me,’ she responded, slightly annoyed at that thought.

He reached out and put a hand on her shoulder, then pulled her into a hug.

She was surprised, although not at all disappointed. His arms around her suddenly felt so natural and she melted into it.

‘I missed you,’ he whispered quietly.

‘I missed you too,’ she responded instantly, feeling like those words meant a whole lot more than they said.

He pulled back from the hug and looked her in the eye again. ‘Should I get some rations?’

‘We could just stick to the wine,’ she suggested.

He nodded. Then he turned and headed back to the table. Slight disappointment at the discontinuing physical contact was replaced by hope as he picked up both glasses and the bottle and moved them and himself over to the couch. She followed, taking a seat as he topped up their glasses.

When he took a seat next to her he sat close, putting his arm around the back of the seat without it quite touching her.

He held her glass out to her. She took it and he held his up.

‘To your safety,’ he toasted, tapping his glass against hers.

She didn’t drink, instead watching him take a sip, the way his lips touched the glass was enough to distract her entirely. The lips identical to the ones that she had kissed only hours ago, yet ones she had never touched.

‘Chakotay,’ she whispered.

He looked at her, some kind of hope and a little bit of concern in his expression.

She had to tell him.

‘I kissed you,’ she admitted. ‘The other you.’

He wasn’t mad, but a strange expression crossed his face. She couldn’t pick it for a moment, then he spoke.

‘Why?’ he asked.

Why? _Because I’m in love with you, you idiot._

She couldn’t find the voice to answer his question and after a few moments he spoke again.

‘Not why did you kiss him, but why did you kiss him when you’ve spent so many years pushing me away?’ he clarified.

Her answer was the same and the words still weren’t leaving her mouth.

‘Because…’ she started.

Then she took a deep breath. If she wanted things to change she had to leap.

‘Because I love you,’ she admitted.

Every tiny bit of tension in her body released and tightened at the same time. Fight and flight were both trying to kick into overdrive together, resulting in her not moving, not breathing. She hadn’t meant to say that, she wasn’t planning on telling him that quite yet, there were more subtle ways to bring up this topic.

What if he didn’t want this?

What if the other reality had just been that different?

His face softened and she let go the breath she hadn’t realised she was holding.

‘Sorry, I missed that,’ he smiled as he spoke. ‘Say it again.’

The relief washed over her. The glint in his eye, the soft smile on his lips, they told her everything she needed to know. He felt exactly the same as the other Chakotay did about his Kathryn.

‘I love you,’ she repeated.

Before she could finish the sentence his lips were against hers and he was kissing her, passionately at first and then softer, his hand sliding down her arm slowly. Then he pulled back and leaned his forehead against hers. She took a deep breath, she hadn’t quite been ready for that.

‘I’m sorry,’ he breathed heavily as he spoke. ‘That was inappropriate.’

She reached up and touched his face lightly, pulling her head away from his so she could look him in the eyes.

‘Don’t be, don’t ever apologise for doing that again.’

He smiled and took her hand in his, dropping their hand between them. ‘I fell in love with you the day I met you. I’ve stood here waiting, not wanting to impose, but not ready to give up hope throughout our entire journey towards home. If you give me permission to do that without apology for the rest of my life, I can assure you, you’ll never be leaving these quarters.’

She laughed. ‘Chakotay!’

He kissed her again lightly before speaking. ‘I love you, Kathryn Janeway.’

‘How come you never said anything?’ she asked.

It had been the thing bugging her. The other Chakotay had no issue putting himself out there, but for some reason hers had.

‘I thought you didn’t want this, and I respected your wishes,’ he responded. ‘But know I would have loved you anyway, always. I have never met anyone like you.’

The third time he kissed her was the end of any further conversation.

 

*

 

He watched her sleeping peacefully next to him. He had never really thought about her sleeping, it didn’t seem to match her personality, so seeing her so serene was fascinating to him.

Part of him was afraid that at any moment he was going to wake up, find out this was some horribly amazing dream and she would be gone.

But that moment hadn’t come and he’d been lying awake for what felt like hours.

‘You watch loudly,’ she said, eyes still closed.

He laughed. ‘I’m sorry. I don’t want this moment to end.’

‘It won’t,’ she mumbled, rolling over so that her back was now facing him but much closer.

She grabbed his hand and pulled it around her, dragging him as close as he could get. He leaned his head against her shoulder, her hair cushioning his face.

‘Captain’s orders,’ she whispered, before her breathing slowed again and he knew she’d gone back to sleep.

‘If you insist,’ he whispered into her ear, closing his eyes.

He felt more at home that he had in his entire life. All thoughts of Earth and the Maquis left his mind and all he could see ahead was Voyager and Kathryn and this.

And for him that was enough.

 

 

 


End file.
